Whether you want your ex back or you want to get over him for good, there is one truth—the no contact rule works like nothing else.
The no contact rule states that you should have absolutely no communication with your ex.
It means no text messages, no phone calls, no snooping through their social media accounts, no nothing.
It’s simple in theory. But it’s much harder in practice.
It’s not easy to go complete radio silence with someone you have cared for over a long period.
That’s why the timespan of this rule is what a lot of people get wrong. They think it will all be fixed within one week. Sadly, it takes much longer.
The no contact period should be up to 90 days but at least 30-day no communication whatsoever, not even a text back if he initiates the conversation.
If you are wondering does this rule work on men, the answer is: most definitely yes.
It’s the only thing that actually works that can ensure you get your ex-boyfriend back.
If you stay firm with your decision and stay away from him, he is guaranteed to want you back.
The only question you will have then is if you still want him because this period without communication will definitely make you look at things differently.
Does The No Contact Rule Work On Men?
Yes, the no contact rule works on men. Yes, it has everything to do with gender and the different mindsets men and women have.
Female and male psychology differ. That’s why this rule won’t work the other way around; the approach a man should have with his ex-girlfriend is usually completely different.
The male mind only responds to reverse psychology. Basically, you have to do things opposite to what he expects.
Instead of chasing after him, texting, calling, looking for closure, you simply disappear from his life and that’s the only thing that will make your ex think, “I made a mistake when I broke up with her.”
There is one more essential thing to do and that is to shift your interest from him to you.
You have to work on becoming the best version of yourself to make this rule work.
That’s why this is both a post-breakup recovery method and a strategy to get your ex boyfriend back.
The beauty of no contact is that even if it fails for some reason that we have no power over, we start to rebuild ourselves into better and self-loving creatures instead of thinking we are not enough.
It’s a healthy way of dealing with a break-up.
The no contact rule and male psychology:
This is a general portrait of a man’s thoughts during this radio silence.
It’s not always easy to figure out what’s going on in that brain of theirs, that’s why we are here to help.
1. Playing it tough
What’s more, he won’t just pretend, he might actually feel tough in this first phase.
After ending things with you, he will look for ways to enjoy his new-found freedom.
He will say he has never been better and that being single is the best thing that could have happened to him.
This post-breakup period is reserved for hanging out and clubbing with his male friends.
The worst mistake you can make is contacting him this early on.
It will just inflate his ego and give him a chance to brag to his friends how you are pining over him.
But this phase will soon pass and he will slowly start to wonder where you are and why you aren’t running back to him.
2. Your behavior will confuse him
He expects you to chase after him in every way imaginable and once you don’t it will leave him in a state of shock.
He probably got used to you being at his beck and call, to always text back and be available whenever he remembered to call.
All of a sudden, you took all the control he had over you.
He can’t manipulate you with love anymore. You decided to be stronger than your feelings.
You started to think about what you deserve instead of what you want and that makes all the difference.
This is the point at which he begins to wonder why this is all happening, how you changed overnight… and he starts missing you.
3. The less he knows about you, the more he’ll wonder
When he doesn’t hear from you for a long period of time, he will start to wonder why, especially if you have been in a long-distance or long-term relationship and you were used to everyday communication.
The fear that you have moved on will creep in slowly. He will wonder if you miss him, if you have somebody else, if you have got over him, etc.
Questions in his mind will pile up.
This is probably the point at which he will text you or try to reach out in any way. You just have to be strong enough not to answer.
4. Once you don’t answer, the anger will kick in
Like most men, he probably used to ignore your texts on various occasions.
Now that you are giving him a taste of his own medicine, he can’t handle it.
“How dare she treat me like this?” is echoing in his mind and bruising his ego.
What he fails to see is that he treated you ten times worse and caused your heartbreak.
And even though you are not using this silence to get him angry and only to show him your worth, he might be revengeful.
A new relationship will seem like a good idea to him. It’s one way to get his mind off of you and show the world and himself that he is ‘just fine’.
More importantly, he is counting on it pissing you off and maybe making you contact him.
Of course, you won’t do that. It will lead nowhere and make your heart more broken—if that’s possible.
So let the anger pass, remember that you went through things that were far worse and you’ve come out stronger and wiser from all of it. Hopefully, he will too.
5. The recommended no contact period sends the right message across
As I stated earlier, the 30-day no contact rule is the minimum time in which you can’t be in touch with your ex.
It’s just enough time to show him what life without you looks like, to miss you and want you back.
More importantly, it’s enough time for him to think about where he went wrong.
If you go back to him too soon, he will naturally assume he has done nothing wrong and that he can come running back to you whenever he pleases.
You don’t want him to think that now, do you?
That’s why that 30-day no contact span is of extreme importance.
It doesn’t just deepen his longing for you, it also shows him that you value yourself and that he can’t mess with your feelings.
6. He will miss you
Days of no contact will become hard for him, like they were for you all this time.
He will make it obvious and there will be some obvious signs he misses you during no contact.
In the first place, him texting you even if you are not texting back is a great sign he actually misses you.
Secondly, he is showing signs of jealousy.
For instance, you might hear from your mutual friends that he has been asking around about your love life and if that guy on your Instagram pic is your good friend or something more.
Jealousy in a healthy amount is a good indicator of somebody’s feelings.
Also, he might ‘accidentally bump into you’ from time to time. You will immediately know it’s no accident if he doesn’t usually visit the same places as you.
Furthermore, he might try to talk to your friends about your current situation, ask why you are not returning his phone calls, ask around a bit or even say he misses you.
He knows that whatever he says will reach you.
7. He will want you back and take actions to prove it
There will come that final point in which he will regret letting you go. He will finally realize that you’re one of a kind.
He will look back at all those moments he spent with you, he will miss the way you made him feel and he will put aside his pride and do the impossible to get you back.
If he is the real deal, he won’t let you go without a fight.
Exceptions to the no contact rule:
All men are different and aside from some general predictions we made earlier, there are some men who can’t be sorted there.
Their reaction to this method will be different because their nature is different. Here are some examples of specific male psychology mindsets:
1. A bullheaded man
He won’t contact you during the no contact period because he is just too proud and too stubborn to do that.
He will want to hear from you but he will wait until you make the first move. Which you won’t make.
You see, if you make the first move, he will have the idea that he has won and that you are crazy about him.
That notion will flatter him at first but sooner than you know, he will play it cool and uninterested again.
You see, while a bullheaded man is inflexible and not big on changing his mind, it’s not impossible.
It will take longer but if he really wants you, he will have to call you first or lose you for good. There is no other way in which this can end well.
2. An insecure man
He won’t text, he won’t call, he won’t come anywhere near you because he thinks he is not good enough.
Unlike a stubborn guy whose ego doesn’t let him contact you, this guy won’t get in touch because he is afraid of rejection.
Your first instinct after reading this is to contact him but don’t (wait at least 30 days).
In spite of his insecurities and fears, he is still a man and as soon as he sees a text from you, he will have gained the upper hand and see that as a sign of your weakness.
3. A clueless man
He never gets why you are angry at him. He has the worst timing for saying things and he is socially awkward. Sound familiar?
Men definitely come from a different planet, there is no doubt about it. That’s why it’s no wonder they don’t pick up on most things.
If you are dealing with a clueless man, he might not even be aware that you went no contact and he might have the impression that everything is fine.
He might text you randomly to see what’s new.
Will the no contact rule work on this man? Once again, the answer is YES, the only thing different is the approach.
After a 30-day no contact period, you will have to be the one who will have to sit down with him and explain that certain things need to change if he wants you back.
This is the type of man you will constantly have to guide through your love story.
Don’t expect him to know or guess your feelings and wants, as he is clueless.
4. A hurt man
To make things clear from the start, the term ‘hurt man’, in this case, signifies that you are the one to blame for the break-up.
You betrayed his trust, cheated on him or have done anything that is unforgivable in his eyes and that’s that.
Unlike the other guys, who want to contact you but they don’t want to because of their male pride, this guy has no wish to hear from you.
In this case, the no contact rule won’t work. Sure, there is a possibility that you guys will get back together eventually but you have to be patient and understanding.
Take a deep look inside though—if you did something wrong, why you did it, if there was something lacking in the relationship that made you act out, etc.
Perhaps you and your ex-boyfriend are not compatible and he isn’t the man of your dreams. Think about it before you torture yourself and him once again.
The ‘YOU’ factor in the no contact rule
I mentioned this at the beginning but it’s worth stressing it once more. You are the one holding the keys that unlock the doors of your love life.
The post-breakup period is the worst time to do anything.
Your emotions are all over the place. Your mind is anything but focused. Your pride is hurt and your self-esteem shook. You’re heartbroken.
That’s why the days of no contact are as important for you as they are for getting your ex back, if not more. There is a reason for a minimum of 30 days of complete silence between you and your ex.
So give yourself time. Dedicate those 30 days (or more if you need) to yourself and yourself alone. Build yourself up from scratch.
Learn from what happened and don’t let it bring you down. See what you want and what you need and if there is the prospect of ever having that with your ex.
Maybe by the end of these days with no contact, you will realize you are better off without your ex, more at peace with yourself, more satisfied and happier.
If that happens, cut all ties with him.
On the other hand, if you still care for him and you believe that there is a strong bond between you and that he is the man of your dreams, give it another go.
But it has to be under one condition: you have to make it through at least 30 days without any contact whatsoever, otherwise it will all be worthless.
Everything you need to get your man back on your side is the no contact rule and male psychology—or in other words, you need their way of thinking.
There is one thing you need to remember though:
The no contact rule doesn’t work if you break it.
Once you break it, he immediately starts thinking, “I have her eating out of the palm of my hand,” and that’s where he starts taking you for granted and you will be back where you started.