• September 29, 2020

In 2020, I Want A Love That Stays

Hey ‘Love of my life’,

I know that we have been going through so many things lately and I also know that you are guilty of most of them. So, I just wanted to ask if you ever think about how I feel. Do you think it is normal for me to stare into space all day while tears are running down my face?

Do you treat anyone else you love like you treat me?

Do you know what you are doing to me? Do you know that I keep looking at myself at the mirror and wondering if I am beautiful enough for you? Do you know that sometimes I cry in bed and choke on my tears because you were giving attention to another girl while I was sitting next to you? Do you know what it feels like when the one you love the most treats you in a way you don’t deserve?

Can’t you see that I am doing everything in my power to make you happy while I am forgetting about my own happiness?

I just don’t know what I should do to make you satisfied once and for all? Should I do a fucking triple backflip while I am singing your name or what? What do you want from me?! Leave me or be with me, but stop treating me like shit. That’s not something I deserve. I deserve much more than that. I deserve more love, more affection, more support, and more kindness.
Can’t you see that I am all you need to be happy?

 

Nobody will crave you like this!

Nobody will fuck you like this!

Nobody will die for you like this!

But you are too blind to see that. And even if I want to change you so much, I can’t. I am just deceiving myself that one day you will change. I believe that our love is strong enough to go over all the bumps on the road. But every time you call me “bitch”, I wake up from that dream and come back to reality. And I hate myself for allowing you to do all this to me.

Deep down, I know that I could be happier with another man. The one who will take care of me like I was the apple of his eye. The one who is deeply and madly in love with me, without limitations. The one who stops breathing every time he sees me.

I think it is time for you to think about all this, because I started thinking about leaving you lately. So listen to me now: this is your wake-up call. You need to get your shit together if you want to stay with me. I am too good to settle for less than I deserve. You just chose a wicked way to deceive a girl who loves you. But bear in mind that I won’t be here for too long.

 

I started to realize that you are someone who will never change. And you will feel sorry when you see that there is a man above you in my life. You will be crushed because you let go the one who would do anything for you.

And the worst thing of all is that I won’t be there to wipe your tears. I will be giving that honor to all those who you choose over me.

I am so over that game that we have been playing for a long time. Little by little I found that strength that was forgotten somewhere deep down inside. I learned to stand up and fight for myself. And today, I finally found what I’ve been looking for.

 

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