Tips to Maintain Intimacy in a Marriage With a Newborn - Thoughts Feeds
  • June 04, 2020

Tips to Maintain Intimacy in a Marriage With a Newborn

Congratulations, it’s a girl! Adding a new edition to the family can be quite exciting. There will be so much to do like picking out names, colors for the nursery and let’s not forget the baby shower.

There will be great times of dreaming together about what that day will feel like when you two become parents and share a human together.

Not to mention the nervous feelings of wondering if you will be enough and if you are cut out for the job.

There are so many opportunities to strengthen a relationship between a married couple within the nine to ten months that it takes to bake a bundle of joy.

Not to mention the joy that it can bring to a family when that bundle of joy graces the Earth. But it does come with its own set of challenges.

It can be quite difficult to try the same activities and lifestyle with a new baby but, not to worry! Marriage after baby can entail some serious challenges, including relationship changes after baby, and a dip in romance after baby. So, this begs the question, how to spice up your marriage after a baby?

Take my advice on how to keep a relationship strong after having a baby, do not I repeat do not try to fit your baby into your schedule it will cause tons of headaches, and disappointments. Instead, fully embrace the change.

It will be fun, trust me!

Marriage after baby is an opportunity to create new hobbies, habits, and hangout spots together.

Do not believe the rumors centring the subject of marriage after baby, intimacy can exist with a newborn, but it will take some work on your end.

In this article on marriage after baby , we will discuss how to go about maintaining that intimacy despite your circumstances.

How to keep a relationship strong after having a baby

1. Using the baby’s nap time wisely

Contrary to popular belief surrounding marriage after baby, I do not recommend always sleeping while the baby is sleeping.

Obviously, there will be times that you will but, that does not have to always be the case. There will be times that you get a good night’s rest. Those days are the days that I recommend using that time to cuddle on the couch with your spouse during baby’s nap time.

Catch a quick tv show or movie, or just have a cup of coffee and catch up on what’s new and old. This is the time that you must learn the patterns of your baby’s sleep schedule so that you can plan and figure out what you want to do in those brief moments.

Trust me, those moments in marriage after baby will be brief but when that is expected it is not so bad. Think of these brief-time slots as opportunities for cute little mini-dates.

Remember that perception is everything if you perceive something to be bad that is exactly what it will look like, feel like, and be but if you view something as fresh, fun, and new, then that is exactly what it will look like, feel like and be.

Once you get a predictable schedule, things will get easier for you and your spouse in the challenging scenario of marriage after baby.

Getting yourself on a schedule is a great way to ensure that everything that is important to you is getting done. Prepare yourself for the surprises, missed windows and imperfect days, and train yourself to be okay with those things.

Coming from personal experience of marriage after baby, I can say that for my husband and me, it took teamwork, there were times that he would remind me to use the baby’s nap time wisely and there would be times that I would remind him.

Regardless of who reminded who we got that time together and it made a world of difference.

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2. Bring the baby along

The next tip on marriage after baby that I would recommend for ways to keep the flame alive in a marriage with a newborn is to bring the baby with you on little outings.

As new parents, my husband and I did not feel comfortable leaving our little guy with a sitter. He was breastfed and we still had new parent anxiety. But that never stopped us from spending that much-needed quality time together which, by the way, if you did not know is a key component of true intimacy.

I would even argue that it is one of the reasons why my son does so well in cars now because he was in one often. Rather it be a night out to dinner or even a weekend vacation it is very much possible to enjoy each other with the baby.

Now, this will take some thinking ahead and planning.

There is nothing like being at a nice restaurant and you’ve forgotten the baby’s binky and all you and the entire restaurant can hear is a baby wailing and screaming. It can be embarrassing and nerve-wracking.

My advice to you is very simple on marriage after baby.

Plan for the worst, my friends would joke that I always pack like I am going on a voyage when I was only going out for a few hours but,  it is very necessary to anticipate the unexpected that way when it happens, you my friend have a quick solution and it does not cause too much disruption to your spouse or others around you.

The peace of mind that you have when everything that is important to you is at your fingertips is unsurmountable, try it.

3. Understanding is key

Understanding is key

The last tip that I have for a couple, in a marriage after baby is to understand the circumstances and roles that both of you must play.

Having a new addition to the family can be taxing on everyone so there has to be some compassion, including self-compassion, and understanding along with all these action steps.

Understanding adds to communication between husband and wife which kindles the fire of intimacy for sure. I’ve seen different scenarios of the caretaking of a baby.

A wife or a husband can be the primary caretaker, both are equally possible so, in efforts to eliminate confusion, I will use my own marriage as an example.

When we brought my son and daughter home from the hospital, I stayed home with them and was very exhausted. My husband went to work, and he came home very exhausted. We both understood that both roles are important, and no one played the “I work harder than you” card.

This allowed us to be each other’s haven and escape from stress and exhaustion.

A very important component of intimacy in marriage after baby is the physical aspect of it. It may be a hard transition, but it is necessary to fight to keep that part of the marriage very relevant and frequent.

After all, it is a huge stress reliever and a must to maintain a strong connection.  Before the kids, we would make love at night but we both understood that if we ever wanted to get physical it would have to be spontaneous because that is what the situation allowed.

Again, an understanding was the glue that held us together in this temporary season of our lives.

Children become adults but a marriage lasts a lot longer than childhood does. It is imperative to understand that and live your lives together as a family accordingly.

A final word on marriage after baby

I am sure that these steps will not be the easiest to implement but trust me, it is much better to attack a situation with a plan than going at it half-heartedly.

Acting and implementing these tips will be worth the effort because intimacy is something that is worth fighting for.

Don’t beat yourself up, there will be times that you feel too tired to try to do anything but the bare minimum and that is okay. It is all a part of the journey.

Remember that understanding will take you a very long way and I am speaking from experience as a wife and mom of two children under four.

Yes, frustration crept in.

No, I didn’t always feel “in the mood” but, I pushed through those feelings because I realized that all the pressure that I was feeling was temporary. So, what about you? Will you push past whatever barriers are hindering you? Will you maintain intimacy in your marriage even, with a newborn?

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