Does Knowing How Long to Date Before Marriage Matter? - Thoughts Feeds
  • June 04, 2020

Does Knowing How Long to Date Before Marriage Matter?

You’re indeed very fortunate if you are feeling that you have finally found the person that you want to marry.

How long have you been together? Have you been together for 2 weeks or maybe you’ve been living together for 4 years or more? Do you believe in a certain time frame of knowing how long to date before marriage?

How long should you date before getting married

There is this question that most couples would face and that is “how long should you date before getting married?”

Surely you have heard about the rules of dating and it definitely includes the average time before you can call each other again after the first date and the average dating time before engagement and don’t forget about the average dating time before marriage.

Feeling like you’re living your life based on instructions?

Partly true if you are focused on making sure that you go by the numbers based on statistics. These numbers or guide may help you and your partner to weigh things properly. Some say there is a 2-year rule, some say that as long as you know that your partner is “the one” then there is no need to wait.

Let’s see what the experts say. Here are some important reminders on how long to date before marriage.

According to Madeleine A. Fugère, Ph.D., author of The Social Psychology of Attraction and Romantic Relationships, “I don’t think there is a perfect amount of time, as each person and situation is a little different. And maturity levels vary.”

“There is no ideal time to date before marriage,” says Lisa Firestone, Ph.D., clinical psychologist and senior editor.

“Really good relationships aren’t about time. If a couple has been married for fifty years, but they have been miserable and treating each other badly during those years, is it really a good marriage? Even arranged marriages work sometimes, and they haven’t dated at all. The question is: Do you really love this person?” she adds.

Reality is; there is no how soon is too soon to get married. There can be many opinions about it or maybe a couple of heads up of what could happen if you decide to tie the knot too soon.

The average dating time before engagement will depend with you and your partner and most of all, in your readiness to be engaged and to get married. Each couple is different and in the most beautiful way.

How long to date before marriage and the average time to date before proposing may be considered as a guide but it was never intended to stop you from proposing and getting married.

Is the dating time before marriage really important?

Is the dating time before marriage really important

How long do people date before getting married or the length of the dating phase doesn’t really apply to everyone as each couple is different and the factors surrounding this topic is too vague to put a specific number or rule.

Ian Kerner, PhD, LMFT, licensed psychotherapist, couple’s therapist and author suggests that one to two years of dating is often a good amount of time before you move on to the next level either engagement or marriage itself.

Though, the average length of relationship before engagement or marriage only seems to guide couples because of the following reasons:

  1. Time is needed to get to know your partner. We can all fall head-over-heels in love but this can also be temporary.
  2. Enough time to date will secure how the couple feels for each other and to make sure that they don’t grow out of the “intensity” of what they are feeling.
  3. After around the 26 months of “romantic phase” for new couples comes the power struggle or the conflict phase of their relationship. If the couple withstands this and comes stronger, that’s a better assurance that they are really ready.
  4. Some may want to test out living together first which has its own pros and cons.
  5. Couples who date longer have more chances of experiencing conflicts in their relationships, which is normal. This will test out how they are able to handle it.
  6. Dating for a longer period of time can also give you more time to actually prepare for your married life. Deciding to get married is different from actually getting married and don’t forget the responsibility of being a husband and wife.

When is the right time to get married

The only reason why there are so many “how long should you wait to get married” tips is because it aims for the couples to be “ready” before they proceed to getting married. These tips and guidelines aim to prevent divorce.

Knowing when is the right time to get married depends on the couple. There are couples who are already sure that they are done dating for marriage and are actually sure that they want to settle.

Some say that marriage depends on age, the years you’ve been together, and some say it all depends on your gut feeling. 

Don’t get pressured by those people who are telling you that you are already on the right age, that you need to have a family of your own, or even how you and your partner look so perfect together.

Get married because you are ready not because of some number or the opinion of other people. So, how long should you wait to get married?

The answer here is simple – there is no magic time frame as to how long to date before marriage. It simply doesn’t work that way. You can refer to it as a guideline but not as a rule.

It doesn’t matter if you have been together for 2 weeks, 5 months or even 5 years. Knowing how long to date before marriage can be helpful but it shouldn’t stop you or your partner from wanting to get married as long as you are ready because that’s the real test here. As long as you are committed, mature, stable, and most of all ready to get married then you should follow your heart.

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