We all have our anchors that hold us down and drown us at sea.
You’ve always wondered about why a friend of yours is torturing herself in a dysfunctional relationship. You never know the reasons behind her actions until you find yourself in her shoes and you visualise the bigger picture. Walking away and moving on isn’t just a piece of cake, there a lot of things that impede you from doing what’s necessary. In the end, our whole life becomes an act of letting go; but letting go isn’t a walk in the park.
When you’re in a long-term relationship and that relationship finally reaches a point where you have to move on, there a lot of things that you have to leave behind and these are also the things that hold you back from moving on. Let’s see what they are.
1. You’ve Invested a lot of your time and effort
We all have a timeline set in our minds. Some people have certain goals set that they absolutely have to achieve by a certain age. Life isn’t that fair to us. It always coerces us to take a tortuous path that has a lot of twists and turns.
When you’ve been in a relationship with someone for so long, you’ve invested a lot of your time and effort in them. You can’t just take all that out of the equation when you decide to get out of a broken relationship. Maintaining and building a relationship requires constant attention and hard work.
Time adds sentiment to everything. If you’ve lived in a house for a long time, you will get attached to it and you’ll definitely be hesitant to move away from it. Relationships are similar. –
We are mortals and we have limited time in our hands and it fills us up with overwhelming sorrow to have lost our time for someone who was eventually going to turn out to be a stranger.
2. You’re still very much in Love with them and you think they’re the ‘one’
Love is always unconditional. Love doesn’t care if you’re in a relationship with an outlaw or narcissist. Once you have a strong bond, such as love with someone, it will be difficult for you to break it. You care for them, no matter what the circumstances are. You will always have a shred of hope. You will keep saying to yourselfВ things like:
maybe the relationship will heal and things will turn out for the better…
…even if you don’t believe in those words. Even if you reach a point where you believe that the relationship is beyond recuperation, it’s still hard for you to get them out of your mind. Sometimes, people have to face severe episodes of depression because of their scarred past.
Limerence’ is the stage of love in the start of a relationship where you are completely obsessed with your partner and you can’t stop thinking about them. They occupy your thoughts when you’re working or eating or doing any random thing. Some people don’t get out of this stage for months or sometimes even years. When they try to get out of it, it is painful and can cause severe emotional trauma.
3. Your financial security might be at risk
Your financial security might be at risk if you’re opting out of a long time relationship. You might have joint bank accounts or other joint investments. We live in the real world and these things matter in the material world. These things need to be sorted out before getting out of a relationship and it’s not a days’ work. There are lots of expenses that need to be kept in mind such as expenditure on legal paperwork, paying for childcare when you split up etc.
4. What will the people say?
People like to gossip and sometimes this gossip reaches to you. You are not obligated to answer anyone about your troubles but when your family, friends and other loved ones ask questions from you, it makes it even harder for you to just move on. You have a public image and that public image might be tainted as well.
You don’t like to be sympathised and you don’t want people to know that your relationship is dysfunctional so you maintain this false perception that you are fine and you don’t want that perception to shatter because if it does, people will react in ways you do not want them to.
5. You have to think about the kids
You might have an important goal In the future that can only be achieved with your partner. You want your kids to have a father and a stable home. Maybe you’ve had a hard childhood and you’ve always had all these problems and you don’t want your kids to face the same things that you did.
So, you are stuck with your partner for the sake of your kids.
No matter what the reasons are, you have to sever all ties and move on because a broken relationship will not only waste more of your time but also emotionally drain you out. Your emotional health should be of utmost importance to you. You have to prioritize yourself over everything and think of solutions that would get yourself out of the hell that you are living in.