Do things seem off in your relationship?
No relationships are ever going to be immune to the seeds of doubt and insecurity that may occasionally rear their ugly heads from time to time. Of course, it’s natural for people to have doubts and insecurities in a relationship because everyone realizes their own vulnerability. They understand that they aren’t omnipotent beings who are free of flaws and imperfections. And so naturally, they will also realize that their flaws and imperfections can manifest themselves in the relationship; and they can potentially destroy all the dynamics of a romance. There is no person in the world who is so perfect to actually believe that they can be free from the dread of uncertainty and discomfort in a relationship. People who have a developed sense of self-awareness are always going to be able to take a long hard look at themselves and the relationships that they are a part of in a very healthy and constructive manner. These are people who will be able to spot issues early on in a relationship and make the necessary adjustments to correct things.
But sometimes, adjustments just won’t be enough. There will be times wherein the insecurities and the doubt will seem so overpowering and the relationship will seem completely helpless. It is during these moments wherein you really need to take a long hard look at your relationship and assess things in an objective manner. There are some very difficult questions that you and your partner need to answer in order for you to figure out where you both stand in the relationship and what steps you need to take to keep on moving forward (or if you are even going to be moving forward at all). You need to be able to be honest with one another when you answer these questions so that your relationship won’t be misled into an abyss. You must establish a sense of clarity and assuredness in the sea of uncertainty that you’re trying to wade yourselves out of.
And of course, understandably, the first place that you have to look into is inside of yourself. Are you getting the kind of happiness and fulfilment that you expected to be getting from the relationship that you’re in? If you try to envision a future for yourself, where does your partner fit in the picture? Prior to actually initiating this difficult conversation with your partner, you have to be able to figure out where you stand on these issues first. This is important for two reasons: you might find what you’re looking for by merely engaging in this process alone, and you need to know where your mind is at so that you can know what answers you want out of your partner from these questions. You need to be able to set the bar so that you can know how to move on depending on what answers your partner is going to give you. It would be incredibly difficult for the both of you to traverse the waters of insecurity when neither of you know what you want in the relationship. You need to have a vision as an individual in order for you to know what you want from the relationship as a whole. So after you have done all of your soul-searching, then you would be ripe to include your partner in this process of reflection.
And conversations like these never come as fluidly or as easily as most people would expect. They can be very difficult, in fact. And that’s what this article is for. Let this serve as a blueprint for you to actually structure your conversation in an engaging and constructive manner. Here are some guide questions that you need to ask whenever you are feeling insecure in the relationship.
1. What is the vision of the future that you have for yourself?
You have to be able to ask your partner where you fit into his/her vision of the future. You have to know what role your relationship is going to play in the grand scheme of things or whether it’s going to even play a role at all.
2. What parts of the person that I am today do you love the most?
You have to be certain that your partner doesn’t merely love the idea of you. You have to make certain that your partner loves you for who you are and what you can offer the relationship.
3. Does this relationship really make you happy?
At the end of the day, it’s all about making one another happy. And if the relationship is making either of you unhappy, then there’s really not much more to talk about.
4. What do you think are the next steps that this relationship needs to take?
You need to acknowledge that your relationship isn’t necessarily in a good place. And you need to make a concerted effort to get yourselves to a place of safety and security.