Marriage is an important decision many of us may face at one point in our lives. Whatever the circumstances, none of us should take it lightly. It can have major repercussions on our social life, relationships and even our health, according to Marriage.com.
Sadly, in the U.S. today, half of all marriages end in divorce as per the American Psychological Association. It’s hard to know for sure why the stats on marriage are so bad. One could argue it’s the way Hollywood portrays love and marriage. Some folks go into marriage believing it’ll be a solution to all their problems when in all actuality, it ends up creating more challenges as a result.
For that reason, it’s important to consider some key questions before jumping into wedded bliss. Not that it should scare you from taking that big leap in life, but it should cause you to pause and look within regarding your reasons for wanting to be married in the first place. It not only helps your future marriage to look at these questions, but it can also help the relationship itself. We’ve got all the would-be betrothed covered questions by compiling a list of what you should consider. We’re going to get you ready for one of life’s biggest leaps.
15Are You Ready To Settle Down?
Marriage is an exciting next step. It doesn’t have to be the end of the road. Rather—it’s the start of a new adventure with your favorite person by your side. Traditional marriages—however—do entail a commitment to one person. Some people find that they’re not ready yet to settle down.
With marriage can come obligations that make it harder to be as independent as you were when you were single. There’s now a husband to consider when the girlfriends want to go on an expensive trip.
As per Hackerspace, it’s vital to consider an important question: are you even ready to commit to one man? Where you once had the freedom to date whomever, now you’re going to be stuck with one guy only. It’s important for you to consider whether you’re ready to settle down yet, or whether you have any unfinished business before moving forward.
It’s critical that you figure this out before entering into marriage rather than during. Otherwise, you may not have as much freedom to get out by then if need be. Even if you feel like there won’t be any other guy in your life but him, you have to make sure before agreeing to saunter down the aisle.
14Are You Ready To Share Bills With A Hubby?
Finances aren’t the glue that holds a relationship together, but it can certainly cause it to tear apart. In marrying him, you agree to share everything with him—including money. A good point Brides brings up is whether or not you’re ready to hand over your bank account to your husband yet. After all, a matter as important as finances shouldn’t be hidden from one another.
It’s critical that you not only share your account but also get your money in order before saying, “I do.”
A marriage can undergo challenges over time. Many of those challenges are likely to involve money. A lack of finances or irresponsibly handling them may lead to greater stresses. You’re wise to think about your finances and get them in order before the big proposal. But you also need to consider how he is with money before entering into a life with him forever. He doesn’t have to be perfect when it comes to spending decisions. He’s going to make plenty of bad decisions when it comes to spending and saving. But as long as he wants to be better at managing money, you should feel safe entrusting him with your finances.
13Can You Accept His Exes?
People meet throughout all phases of life. That’s what makes love powerful—it can universally transcend race, age and circumstances. It can also leave the door open to meet a wide range of eligible partners. There are cases where he might already have been married or even have kids from a previous relationship. It’s usually in your best interest to know the circumstances surrounding your man’s former love interests. Is he on good terms with them? You may be in a position where you have to interact with your man’s former lovers. If so, it’s important to examine whether you’re comfortable taking that on.
There’s nothing wrong if you feel uncomfortable around his exes. It’s a natural response to what can become a very awkward situation. But the worst thing you could do is fail to ask yourself whether it’s a problem going into marriage. Hopefully, by dating him, you gain a sense of what life with him would be like normally. So if there’s something that makes you uneasy about his—or even your own—interactions with any past lovers, then it should raise a red flag. It would be wrong for you not to take these red flags into consideration before marriage.
12Are You And He In Sync On Kids?
People’s stances vary when it comes to kids. That’s why it’s important that you talk about it with your man. Otherwise, how will you know his feelings regarding children? Some people want to have one kid and see how it goes. Others have an exact number in mind. Some don’t want kids at all. According to Hackerspace, that may even be due to financial constraints.
There’s a wide spectrum of how people feel about kids and their outlook may even change over the course of the marriage.
That’s why it’s critical you find out what’s on his mind when it comes to little ones. Knowing ahead of time will help prepare you for what he wants, while also communicating to him how you feel.
If the two o you find out you want entirely different things when it comes to kids, that could spell trouble. That’s why it’s better to sort it out before marriage, rather than during. Otherwise, the union could split up as a result. The subject of having children is important for both sides to be clear on from the get-go. If you don’t make your wishes known from the beginning, there’s always going to be a communication imbalance. That’s not a good environment for starting a family.
11Are You Marrying For The Right Reasons?
Dating, marriage and kids all seem like natural steps in any relationship. The beautiful thing is that a couple doesn’t need all of these things to be a couple. You should probably ask yourself why you want to get married in the first place? As Verily points out, marriage is about committing oneself to another person. No longer is someone an individual. They are now a unit—one that needs to work together.
In a way, your partner of choice is also a reflection of you. That’s why it’s very important for you to make sure you want to marry this person. Plus, marriage may not solve all the problems you have in your life at that time. It could even open you up to more challenges. You’re wise to examine your reasons for marriage before he pops the question.
If you’re getting married because you think it will solve all of your problems, then you’re in for an unpleasant surprise. In many cases, marriage only introduces more problems into your life. But if marriage is about spending the rest of your days with the person you care about the most, in spite all the difficulties that may come with it, you’re on a promising track.
10Are You Ready For Conflict?
Some people get along fantastically in a relationship. Others are more like water and oil, always at odds but somehow find a way to make it work. Relationships can be full of challenges. In turn, stresses can result from these unwanted trials in a marriage. It can be really beneficial for women and men to come together and resolve conflicts that come up.
Going into marriage, it’s not a bad idea to look at how well you and your man deal with your current conflicts. As Verily reminds us, everyone in the world is flawed. As a result, there are going to be couples that don’t agree.
But if you look at the way you and your man handle conflict, it can set the stage for what’s to come.
How do most of the arguments end between the two of you? Is there a reconciliation? Or do debates remain unresolved? Does he ever apologize? It’s normal for both parties to say things that are mean to each other in the heat of an argument. Usually, though, there’s a coming together afterward when both of you see that you crossed the line. If these moments sound unfamiliar to you or don’t ever take place, then there’s something wrong.
9Are You Comfortable With Him?
If he’s thinking about proposing, he’s probably familiar with everything about you. He can recognize when you’re grumpy. He knows what you look like without any makeup. When you’re feeling down, he knows how to make you feel better. Some couples haven’t experienced this wide range of emotions and settings yet, though. You should ask yourself—going into the proposal—whether there are parts of you he hasn’t seen yet. If there are still some things he hasn’t experienced, are you comfortable with letting it out in the marriage?
You might not like the idea of him seeing every part of you when you’re married. Maybe you haven’t shown him everything yet and are afraid to do so. It’s not a bad thing if you haven’t. But it’s a problem if you’re concerned about doing so in the marriage. One of the extraordinary parts of marriage can be opening yourself up completely to him. It’s vital that you examine whether you’re 100 percent comfortable with your husband before committing to anything yet. If you’re not totally in it, it could be something in your relationship that is wrong. Maybe he’s not the one for you after all. Whatever the case may be, you need t0 know if you’re ready to give all of yourself before taking the next step.
8Do The Future Mr. And Mrs. Agree On Religion?
You may have faith in your husband, but you don’t have religious faith—or perhaps it’s the other way around. Either way, if you’re not on the same page as he is when it comes to his stance on religion, it could be a problem.
One’s faith is a deeply personal part of someone that can trace back to their childhood. Hackerspace takes note of cases where individuals renounce their faith in order to be with someone. While we can’t encourage someone do that, it just goes to show that people are willing to go to great lengths to be with another person.
In some instances, the two of you may not be willing to forego your religious backgrounds but continue on with the marriage. It’s best to air this all out though before making a fiancé out of anyone.
If you in the middle of your marriage that you disagree on religion, your couplehood could be much harder.
While some couples are able to coexist with differing worldviews, these cases are the exception, not the rule. Not everyone is capable of living with another person who doesn’t share their own views on such an extremely personal matter. It’s important to be on the same page before saying those two words he really wants to hear.
7Are You On Good Terms With His Family?
The saying goes, “When you marry, you’re also marrying the family.” It’s important to consider whether you have any conflicts with his family. If you do have any issues, then the marriage could be riddled with problems. There can often be many layers involved. For example, his family is going to have their own opinion of you despite what he thinks. This can also put him in a unique situation, which may put him at odds with his own parents and loved ones.
As Brides mentions, you may only see his relatives on occasion. Some women would feel lucky if that were their situation, while others love being around their hubby’s family. As Brides points out, people forget that families even have an impact on marriages from afar. They’re always going to care about what’s going on, especially if there are kids involved.
Families may not always get along, but it’s good to maintain some level of peace. Like Romeo and Juliet, it’s going to take both of you, working together. You shouldn’t work at it alone. If you express your frustrations about his family with him in a loving manner, he ought to be receptive to your feelings and help out any way he can. Your marriage depends on it, after all.
6Do You Believe In The Longevity Of The Marriage?
When you make the choice to marry, you should be in it for the long haul. With all the emotions going into marriage though, it can be hard to remember this basic idea. For those on the brink of a proposal, it’s beneficial to pause a minute and think about the long-term. If you take a minute alone with your thoughts, it can help you to ask the really tough questions.
One question you have to ask yourself is whether the relationship can stand the test of time. He may not want to be in the relationship unless that’s your stance. It’s not unknown though for couples to overlook it.
A relationship benefits from a healthy dose of reality. By asking this question, you explore how much faith you have in the relationship. Your confidence needs to be at an all-time high if you want to make the relationship work.
That also means assessing what you and he have at the moment and whether it can endure hard times. We don’t want to encourage any doubts you may have as a bride-to-be. We just want to prevent any fallout that could come from making the wrong decision. If you ask yourself this question, you could be saving the relationship.
5Do You Feel Respected On An Intimate Level?
This topic is a bit sensitive, but it’s also really important. While physical boundaries should probably already have come up in the relationship, it’s worth considering when going into a marriage. Some guys might have an unrealistic expectation about what’s game. As Hackerspace suggests, a no-nonsense and direct approach works best when looking to clarify with your guy what your level of comfort when you two are intimate. Otherwise, it might have an emotional impact later on if certain boundaries aren’t established. Even if you don’t think there are any boundaries, there definitely are.
Drawing the line can serve as a reference point, so both of you are aware of what’s acceptable. Physical intimacy can be a rewarding part of a relationship, but like other aspects of a marriage, it’s necessary to manage. There are lots of dangers involved if you don’t take action in this area. You could find yourself unsatisfied as a result, and nobody wants that. What’s going down between a husband and wife needs not only to be fulfilling but agreed upon by both of you. There is no harm in you being forward with your groom-to-be on what your preferences are. The greater harm would be saying nothing, despite how uncomfortable it might be to bring it up.
4What Are Your Opinions—And His—On Careers?
What one decides to do for a career can have a major impact on a marriage. According to Verily, one of you might decide to be more career-oriented while the other watches the kids at home (if you decide to have kids). Otherwise, you might both decide to work. Whichever route the two of you take, it can be a good idea to hash this out beforehand. Otherwise, you might leave yourself susceptible to any assumptions he might make about your combined future. A worst-case scenario that could arise from assuming this and being wrong is heartbreak. You can never be too safe in checking on this before things get even more serious.
Your future dreams and plans are more important than letting it fall by the wayside. If you talk this out with your future husband before you enter into this huge step together, you’re protecting yourself.
Plus, it’s in of both of your best interest that you know what your future plans are as a couple. Marriage doesn’t end at the ceremony and honeymoon. There’s still a lot of work to be done together after that. You won’t regret making sure that you and your future-husband share the same career goals.
3How Is The Communication Flowing?
For a relationship to work, a couple has to talk to each other. For those of you who live together, you don’t have a choice. You inhabit the same space together and can’t ignore each other for very long. When couples get married, they usually depend on communication to hash things out. How well do you communicate with him now? If you are looking to be equipped for managing problems that could arise in marriage, you’ll want to have the communication thing down. Otherwise, a communication breakdown in a marriage could indicate a warning sign.
Do you feel like you’re able to articulate your thoughts to your partner? Do you feel like you understand him when he tries to get a point across? It needs to feel like a two-way street.
You need to feel the freedom to express your thoughts and feelings, while in turn receiving all of his. With a solid communication in marriage, the stage is set for a clear understanding of any situation. If the two of you don’t understand each other—as obvious as it sounds—the marriage will fall apart. If you examine what level your communication is at before marriage, it could help prevent any future heartaches.
2Are You Respected In General?
As Independent notes, a relationship requires something from both sides—respect. Otherwise, a couplehood without respect leaves the door open for pain. The kind of pain we’re referring to can come in the form of what someone says or does that leaves an emotional scar. This type of pain can take time to heal. If this sort of turmoil exists going into a marriage, it’s important to sort it out as soon as possible. Even more, there needs to be respect honored by both parties. If there’s no respect, there’s the chance that more heart-wrenching pain could follow.
When you have respect, you feel like you can take on life’s harder challenges. It’s a way of building each other up. Since a marriage is a partnership, respect is a critical component.
It should be given freely between both of you. Therefore, it’s important for you to look at the respect you and your hubby-to-be give each other now and give it a grade. How well does he respect you? How well do you respect him? Does he call you bad words or treat you poorly? A healthy relationship needs to make respect a priority. To do otherwise is not recommended.
1How Will Your Relationship Handle Political Heat?
In a marriage, two people aren’t going to agree on everything together. There are going to be differences of opinion. What matters is whether the marriage can survive in spite of those differences. One of those hot topics that can bring you closer or drive a wedge between the two of you is politics. It’s probably a good idea to know each other’s stance on such before marriage if you are on the same page.
Bustle suggests bringing it out in the open as soon as possible to determine whether things will work out. Even before that—should you consider whether it’s a major problem if he doesn’t agree with you on political issues? Maybe it’s not a problem for you if you align yourself with one political party and he’s aligned with another. On the other hand, it could be a major problem for some couples. Either way, talking it out first may help.
It might be a cliché, but religion and politics are usually areas of conflict. There will always be disagreement among people—even family and friends—when it comes to these things. Sometimes the best conclusion to reach is “agreeing to disagree.” Even if you don’t align with him totally on the Oval Office and you can’t watch C-SPAN together, you may still be able to find a way to peacefully coexist. You need to know if you can do this or not.