Not everything is always black and white, especially when it comes to male-female relationships. We are wired differently. That’s why we fail to understand each other’s behavior from time to time.
But why men pull disappearing acts and then try to come back defies logic. The first thing that comes to mind is that they are players. Still, it might not be all that simple.
Sometimes there are other reasons than them playing the field and seeing other women. Even though that’s most probable reason and the one that makes the most sense, there are always exceptions to the rule.
Se what else might be the cause of a man’s disappearance and reappearance in your life?
1. He still hasn’t figured out how he feels about you
You see men also have things they have to figure out in their heads before they are even ready for a meaningful relationship. They take a step back to gain a perspective and some space to think things through.
Yes, I know that the righteous ones will say: “When you know you know. What’s there to think about?” But sometimes there are a lot of things to think about. You never know what’s going on in somebody’s head or how their mind works.
If you think this is the cause, the worst thing you can do is chase after him or demand an immediate explanation. It can only make him more doubtful and run in a different direction even faster.
Give him the space he wants to think things through. Play it cool even though it’s going to be extremely hard. But don’t tolerate him coming in and out of your life as many times he wants.
Him disappearing and coming back is more than you bargained for, and you are being super understanding for tolerating it the first time around.
2. He’s developed real feelings for you, and it freaked him out
He might have started a relationship with you and thought of going one day at a time without any clear goal of where it might lead.
But once he got to know you better, once he opened up to you and let you in, it made him vulnerable, and it literary made him so scared that he freaked out and left.
There might be issues he is dealing with, his own insecurities or fears that drove him to act stupidly. If he is just scared, he may be worthy of a second chance. But if he is doing this for some other reason, wave him goodbye.
3. He doesn’t want a real relationship
If he is good with words, he will keep you in limbo. You won’t be in a relationship, and you won’t be single either.
He will give you the illusion that you two have a true connection. He will give you his attention, and he will be super nice to you when you are alone.
But he will never call you his girlfriend. He will never introduce you to his friends and family. He might even say that he likes you, but he is not ready for a relationship right now.
The truth is he is never going to be ready, and he will just keep stringing you along. Have zero tolerance if a man acts like this. Don’t allow him to come and go from your life as he pleases.
4. Things are moving a bit too fast
You and your man might not be on the same page right from the start. While he decided to go one step at the time, you are already in too deep. The opposite scenario is possible, too.
Him disappearing on you might be his subconscious attempt to slow things down. He was overwhelmed by how things were going, and he probably started feeling trapped.
If you believe this is the cause, let him breathe and have his space. Slow things down a bit and follow his pace. Relationships need to be built brick by brick, and skipping steps is never a good option.
In case he disappears again, let him go, but this time for good. If you also made an effort to take things slow, there is no reason to allow him to treat you like that.
5. He is focused on something else
There might be other things occupying his mind that made him take these extreme actions. His work might be stressing him or taking too much of his time. He might have family problems or even health issues that are preventing him from leading a normal life.
The point is his focus is elsewhere and he is not in a place to be in a relationship. There is a mess inside of his head that isn’t allowing him to let anyone get close.
I know your first instinct is to help him, but there is nothing you can do if he doesn’t allow you. You can’t sort his life out for him, and until he manages to do that himself, he won’t be ready for a real relationship with you or anybody else for that matter.
6. He has trust issues
Not all women are saints, and not all men are devils. He might have been involved with someone who has left him emotionally devastated.
If he leaves then comes back again and you are well aware of his past, the odds are he developed trust issues that are preventing him letting you in and forming a relationship with you.
Although you can understand or relate where he’s coming from, you can’t keep turning the switch off and on in your heart.
Try openly talking to him, and tell him that you shouldn’t pay for somebody else mistakes. If he disappears again, I’m afraid there is nothing you can do. He has to deal with his own trust issues.
7. He has a commitment phobia
It seems like these days every other guy has a commitment phobia. They are just not ready for a relationship. They fear it will trap them and limit all their freedoms.
They might be immature. Having responsibilities and being devoted to just one woman are not for them.
If he fears commitment, there is nothing you can do about it. There is no point in welcoming him back the first time when there is a sure chance that he will just do it again.
8. He is not sure if the two of you can really work
Sometimes the love mist gets so thick that you can’t see things clearly. Take a step back and see the big picture. Do you really belong in each other’s lives?
It doesn’t have to be anybody’s fault. It’s just that you aren’t compatible, and his attempt to get back into your life might be just about making sure that he hasn’t made a mistake when he disappeared for the first time.
Make sure you don’t make a mistake by inviting him back into your life.