7 Signs You Have An Insecure Attachment Style - Thoughts Feeds
  • July 16, 2019

7 Signs You Have An Insecure Attachment Style

Do you feel anxious about opening yourself up to someone new? Are you afraid of getting hurt in relationships?

Many women (and men) who have experienced the inconvenience and pain caused by breakups later on develop an insecure attachment style (without even being aware of it).

 

An insecure attachment style is basically formed out of fear.

It is a fear of being abandoned, not being liked by someone you like, a fear of cheating or breaking up with someone you’re in a relationship with.

You can be stuck in this attachment style for years while you’re dating or in a relationship, or even when you’re doing none of the two.

And when you feel insecure, you tend to do things you normally wouldn’t, which may cause a lot of problems in future relationships.

If you’re not sure whether this is happening to you, here are 7 signs you might have an insecure attachment style!

 

1. You have a hard time communicating with a partner

You’re afraid of opening yourself to your partner, which makes it utterly difficult for you to establish a healthy communication in a relationship.

You are afraid of being honest with them because you don’t want to get hurt.

So, you usually expect from them to already know what’s going on in your mind and act accordingly. And when they don’t, you get mad at them.

It is an exhausting cycle of pretending, expecting, and getting mad about something you yourself don’t understand.

An insecure attachment style is making it difficult for you to feel free to be who you really are with them and establish healthy connection and communication.

 

2. You compare your relationship to other relationships

No matter if your relationship is already close to perfection, you always want more and you’re never satisfied with what you already have.

Your high expectations are making it difficult for your partner to ever succeed in meeting them.

So, you often find yourself comparing your relationship to other relationships, thinking that they have something you don’t.

In your eyes, other people’s relationships are always more successful and happier than yours.

It is like a limbo made up of illusion and totally unreal thoughts.

All of this forces your partner to become desperate in finding a solution for your dissatisfaction.

Even though they think everything’s good in your relationship, you are never able to confirm it because your tendency to expect more of them is simply stronger than you.

 

3. You fake confidence

You’re completely aware of the importance of being confident in your relationship, but your insecure attachment style is making it hopelessly difficult for you.

So, the only thing  left to do is fake it. You fake being confident, while on the inside you’re the total opposite.

Your world is shattering from the inside; meanwhile, you’re pretending that you couldn’t be happier.

While it is possible to fake it for some time, in the long run, it is close to impossible.

Your partner will notice if you’re not being genuine and it’ll just be a matter of time before your insecurities reach the surface.

Faking confidence is just a temporary relief, but in the long run, it is totally destructive.

 

4. You play mind games

Sometimes you play mind games out of insecurity or because you think your partner is not paying you enough attention.

So, you deliberately refuse to answer their calls, pretending you’re busy, or you let them wait longer than usual to text back.

By doing this, you think that it will capture their attention, force them to make more effort, and become afraid of losing you.

The fear of losing them is invariably creating that same fear in them, too.

You know that playing games is unfair and unhealthy for your well-being and relationship, but you can’t help yourself.

Your insecure attachment style is driving you to be something you’re not and it is extremely difficult for you to explain this to your partner.

 

5. You jump to conclusions

Whatever your partner says to you, you always have some conclusions of your own.

To be more precise, you tend to jump to conclusions on a regular basis, which causes problems in communication and understanding of each other.

When your partner texts or says something ambiguous, you instantly think of the worst possible scenario.

Insecure attachment style means living in fear of being abandoned and that is why this is the first thing that comes to your mind when you can’t understand something.

You jump to conclusions and you’re not prepared to change your mind, even if your partner reassures you that there’s nothing you should be worried about.

Your thoughts are twisted and you can’t help but feel disappointed and scared of what’s next.

 

6. You’re terrified of infidelity

Similar to the previous one, your being petrified of infidelity forces you to do things that are completely insane.

You feel compelled to check every single detail about the event your partner is attending, you expect to hear how many people will be there, whether there will be any females, and so on.

You’re so terrified of unfaithfulness that you can’t be at peace when your partner is somewhere out without you.

And often you accuse them of doing something they really didn’t do. Your insecurities often make you act jealous for no reason and destroy your relationship.

 

7. You’re ambivalent about commitment

You either want to give yourself one hundred percent to your partner and commit on every single level or you want nothing at all.

Your commitment decisions vary from day to day and you simply can’t decide what to do anymore.

Your heart wants to commit, but your mind is not letting you out of fear that you will be abandoned, cheated on, or hurt one way or another.

You can’t decide whether you want to invest all of yourself in a relationship or just run away from them and act like you’ve never known them.

 

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