I Needed You The Most When I Pushed You Away - Thoughts Feeds
  • August 19, 2019

I Needed You The Most When I Pushed You Away

I needed you to hold me in your arms and tell me everything will be okay. I needed you to love me because I don’t know how to love myself. I needed you to just be there, to make me feel safe. To be the one who will make me stay.

I needed you to kiss me, to make love to me. I needed you even when I said I don’t. I just needed you. Only you. Instead, I pushed you away. I was scared of your love. I was scared that I couldn’t make you happy. I was scared of how much you meant to me. You knew me better than anyone ever did.

You knew all my fears, my strengths and my flaws. And yet, you loved me more and more every day. You knew that I will run away. You knew that. But you stayed.

 

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When I pushed you away, you pulled me closer. When I hated myself, you loved me for both of us. When I cried myself to sleep, you were wiping my tears away. When my world fell apart, you helped me to build a new one.

Then, how could I leave? Being with you was a challenge every single day. Being with you meant facing my deepest fears and darkest memories. Being with you meant letting someone in after so long. How could I leave? You made me the way I am today. You taught me to stand up for myself.

You taught me it wasn’t always my fault. You taught me how to laugh my mistakes off. You helped me by just being you. For once, falling in love felt amazing. For once, crying in front of someone felt okay. For the first time in my life, opening myself to someone felt good. How could I leave ever again?

Now, all I need is for you to know that I’m never leaving again. I love youand I love needing you. I love how my face grins the moment I look at you. I love how my soul buzzes every single time I see you—just like the very first time I laid my eyes on you.

I need your smiles, our place and our messy mornings. I need us singing and cooking together. I need your hands around my waist and mine in your hair. I need the way you need me.

 

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